How you see yourself means everything...

Hello, how's your week treating you?

The weather in Sacramento is windy.  As such, I didn't do much yesterday. The guilt settled in and so after a lunch of tuna, eggs and jalapenos, I went for a 2  mile walk.

During my walks, I have lots of time with thoughts.  Instead of worrying about everything, I decided to just enjoy the breeze and the pretty blooms. It certainly helped my mood.

On  my return to my office, I saw my co-workers return from their run. I  notice how fit and lean they are....  I am envious.... Envy is not an attractive quality in a person, is it?  I switch my thoughts to my old saying "I may not be where I want to be but I'm certainly not where I was." 

Then, I remembered how on Saturday, I jogged 1.8 miles non-stop.  It was hard, but I did it. I felt like a real athlete. I felt fit. I felt like a runner.... I guess I need to hold onto that feeling... It's the key to moving forward, right?

Darn, i forgot my zumba gear but i improvised. Came home. Changed and Daniel and i walked 2 miles and then jogged home.


Here i am... A hot sweaty mess. My hair is coming back. It feels softer. So glad when i can chuck the hats.

Nothing like endorphins to make you feel awesome.

Looks like dinner will be fruta...



And of course Tajin.


That's my evening...

You play, you pay

It's raining in Sacramento and when it rains, I find myself wanting comfort food.  My co-worker and I had lunch at this  little mom and pop restaurant two days in a row. When our gregarious Buildings & Grounds guy invited us to lunch, we couldn't resist. He's hilarious and we needed the laughs.  After many suggestions, he randomly pulls into this little place that's just a couple of miles from our office. When I got back to my office yesterday, I googled Dad's Kitchen and saw that it was featrured on Guy Fierri's Diners, Drive-in & Dives.  I couldn't believe Guy Fierri was in my hometown.

I wish I had my camera. This little non-descript place has a gorgeous patio area in the back. It was the perfect place to destress.  Yesterday we shared a tri-tip sandwhcih. I was  happy I sweated off the calories at zumba.

But then.... my co-worker and I just had to return for a BURGER.

What do you think? Delicious, right?

The waitress suggested we try the macaroni and cheese topped with bacon.  O..M..G... (I know, I sound like a 15 year old).  It's been 5 hours since I ate 1/2 the burger, 1/2 the fries and 1/3 of the mac and cheese.  Even though we shared, it was just too much. Why do I do this to self?  I know.. because I have an unhealthy relationship with food. That's why.

I'm sitting here looking for all kinds of reasons not to go to zumba tonight.  Tonight's class will be high intensity. It's raining. I should have no problem talking myself out of going?  Instead, I write this post... reminding self of the need to work out.  I feel like Mr. Meagi in Karate Kid "WAX OFF, WAX ON" But instead I'm saying CALORIES IN, CALORIES OUT.

Oh well, you play, you pay... in this case, you eat, you better burn those calories.  My behavior is counter-productive. I know this... but sometimes, I'm my worse enemy. 

Later, gators.

anyone else do something as repulsive as I?

I love holidays, but man... the sweets are killin me.  I'm doing my best to get back on track after Easter Sunday but I found myself defrosting a slice of white coconut cake that I froze after everyone left on Easter Sunday. I bought the cake because it reminded me of when I was a kid.  There were 6 of  us girls and my dad always bought us a white coconut cake for our birthdays. I made sure I sent the left overs to my family but I  had the ONE SLICE IN THE FREEZER. I found myself at the table last night eating it.

Then right now... as I dress for zumba, I found myself picking up a piece of candy off the floor. HOLD ON... I ATE IT. Please don't judge me. I know it's dispicable... I mean who eats candy off the floor, especially before a zumba class.

But that's where I am in the SUGAH DEPARTMENT....

I leave you all to ponder and make judgment... jeje  Really needing to get a game plan together to get off the sugar.  It's odd how it just takes over your brain.

Anyways all... I bid you a good  night. 

Question:  Anyone else do something as repulsive as I?  Please share. I need not feel alone, right?

What cancer is teaching me

That each day is not promised to us even though we take it for granted. That negativity is a waste of energy. That it’s important to share your feelings with those you love.  We love our family and friends but how do we express it? 

That as we get older, it’s harder and harder for us to stay in awe of the world.  There is so much in the world.  For instance, today on my walk/jog. I admired the poppies that are in bloom.  The arch of a tree as it stood next to a unique building on campus.  I thought “did the architect invision this in his rendering?”  As I walked, I saw the little birds on the ground and my thoughts turn to “this is the day the Lord has made.”  Not just for me but for this little bird and the guy that’s bumpin his music in his car as he drives by.  I am conscious of the breeze from cars driving on the freeway beneath as I walk over the bridge. I stretch my arms so I can feel the coolness. It feels good on this warm day.

I’m present.  I’ve been present the last 4 years. My eyes opened when my cousin passed of breast cancer. I started to see the world differently… I think the Lord has prepared me for this…

I have moments where I let the fear of cancer returning paralize me.  It’s there as I wake up in the middle of the night and I hate it.  I am good at reminding myself that FEAR gets me no where. I remind self that God wants his children to prosper, and have hope for a future.   It helps.

Earlier today, I listened to a lecture and he talked about how our environment determines our invironment.  That statement hit me.  My fear is most definitely impacting my inner life. If I continue to let these thoughts fester, my invironment will become bitter and will surely darken my life. I’m going to pray for God to take away anything that is on the INSIDE that will impact my OUTSIDE.

On a note pad, I have written “there is beauty in the power of a storm” It’s a reminder that everyone has challenges but that afterwards, we are left with a calmness and a relief…  A gratefulness if you will.  Imagine living life fully present? 

I don’t mean for the blog to turn into a cancer blog.  That’s not my intention.  It’s just a place where I share my life lessons and my journey.. a  journey to a healthier self-- Inside and out. 

Take a day if you will. Practice being present.  Look at your environment and fully take it in. You'll be surprised at how wonderful it feels.

Paula 

Hi friends.... Its been a brutal day at work but i cheered myself up with a 3 mile walk. There was some jogging but it doesn't really count since i was left behind in a cloud of dust by a much older woman. She kept a continued pace all through the track. :-(



I have vowed to push myself for the month of April. Doctor says no restrictions so i am pushing ahead.

Having goals again gives one purpose. Will probably do a work out plan for each day...

Can you tell i is happy?

reroute your thinking

Hola, how’s your day going?

Mine is muy bueno.  Last night, I got a text to join my friend Delia at zumba. This is a high energy, no stopping, sweatin your butt off kinda a class. I arrived late but was able to do a non-stop 30 mintues of high intensity zumba.  Delia saved me a spot right in front. Funny how we all started in the back and are now up front.  Confidence shows itself in many ways.  Most of the ladies I know were noticeably thinner than  the last time I saw them. It’s been 5 months since I attended this class. For a moment, I think “that could’ve been me had I not gotten sick.”  I immediately try and stop that kind of thinking. I now live in the GRATEFUL TO JUST BE HERE WORLD and those thoughts are not productive..  Odd how C has a way of changing your whole perspective and you’re able to reroute your thinking.

Anywhoo… it felt great to be sweating my booty off, doing what I love. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, exercise definitely improves the quality of one’s life.

There are small moments of awkardness as I try to resume life.  But there are also moments of laughter…   Like when my friend stopped in the middle of zumba to fix my bandana and joking said “you’re looking like a pirate.” And I respond with “ayre…” and we carry on.

I can’t wait to have my hair back. Not because I miss it but because the “tell-tale signs of cancer” will no longer be present … I’ll be glad when the reminder is no longer visible to the outside world. 

I’m excited for the promise of hair as I run my hands through my scalp. I’m surprised at how soft it feels… not at all like stuble…