Hey friend, how's your day? 

Mine was good. I did a sweaty 40 minute workout during my lunch hour. Basically, I did 14 reps of 20 exercises.  I must say it's the first time in months where I've used the gym at work. I recall working out every day during my lunch hour... will definitely start back to build up my stamina. I'm getting there.  Must be gentle with self.

Speaking of stamina, last Saturday we had our BRK party at Kaia.  This workout was a celebration of our 6 week boot camp of working out 5 days per week, clean eating, no sugar, no carbs and no alcohol. I could have done better with the nutrition challenges. I did eliminate sugar from my coffee and reduced carbs but I have work to do in that area.

Back to our party, before the festivities, we did a scavenger/survivor workout. We were in groups and there were 12 stations. Each station had us each do a series of exercises.  Let's just say we pushed a car, ran up hills, and carried a fire hose while running.  I was always the last one running behind but I finished. 

Just look at my daughter doing 25 wall balls after completing the 12 stations. Can you believe she is suffering from kidney stones during this workout? She's nuts. I'd be at home. But not her. Such a warrior.

 

After I finished my wall balls we headed on over to the mimosa station.

 

 

6 weeks no alcohol. Man those tasted good. I so wanted another but hey, it was 10 a.m. 

 

 

Here's my team... I can't really tell you if we collected all the stickers from all 12 stations but I know I gave it my all.  I think I'm hooked on these kinds of runs.  Will definitely be working on my running in the next 6 weeks.  Would love to do another 5k. Maybe a zombie run? I think that would be fun.

 

We had our final 6 week assessment, and the verdict is......

 

2 pounds lost

1 inch lost on my thighs

0 inches around my chest

4 inches gained on my rear (what???) Gots to be muscle, right?

4% body fat loss.

 

While I'm not super impressed with my results, it is still a loss.  I've signed up for another 6 weeks and this time around, I'm gong to concentrate on form during the workouts and what I eat.  Trust me... I've counted calories and have stayed at 1200-1300 calories but it's just not working... It's not my thyroid according to my doctor.  What's a person to do? My body is just holding onto the extra weight. It's discouraging but this journey is about a healthier self and I'm working towards that goal. No need to beat myself up. The scale will remain in the garage for now...

 

It's still a good day in the neighborhood my friends... 

Here's to self-discovery and the relationship with self

Happy Lovers Day to you all.  My Daniel isn’t a gift giver or a romantical person, but he does spoil me all the days of the year so I’ll let him off the hook if he doesn’t get me a card.  It would be wonderful if he’d write me a love letter. But if he doesn’t, it’s okay because when I arrived to work, I found this near my desk.

I have a co-worker who is very thoughtful and talented. Can you believe she made this lovely cake and cupcakes? 

I grabbed a cupcake for later because I was pretty full from breakfast.

 

I had a hankering for bacon. I cooked it in the oven while I showered and dressed for work. Then I scrambled up an egg and wrapped it all in a brown tortilla and off I went to work.  I must remember to start my mornings with protein. It certainly helps curb the need for sweets. This cupcake is still on my desk. Of course, I'm guilty of eating a rose pedal. LOL.

My morning also started with a little hair experiment. My chemo curls are out of control. I am trying to embrace them and mostly, I can calm them with hair product but as it grows, it's become quite unmanageable.

See  what I mean?  A closer look at this picture and I realize I need to visit a salon to clean up my sideburns.  Yea, that's another thing about chemo, but I'll save that for another post.  Back to my hair experiment.

I find that washing my hair every morning is drying it out. Dry curly hair is not your friend. So instead, I decided pull it back with a hair thingy I found laying around the house. Note to self: Buy hair accessories. It's time! 

Here's a front view.

 

Side view, kinda.

And here's an older picture when my hair first began to grow out. 

This picture was taking in San Francisco and I was pretty self-conscious. The good thing about hats and scarves is you can hide behind them.  This outing was pretty significant in that I decided to just embrace it.  Own it.  Cancer certainly humbles you and gives you a lesson in vanity.  We never know what we are capable of until we're tested.  I have heard survivors say they were grateful for their cancer. I don't know if I can say that, but I am grateful for the lessons and strength I discovered along the way.

Here's to self-discovery and the relationship one has with self. It's pretty much one of the most important relationships you'll have.

TTFN,
Paula





 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hello friends, how’s it going?  Can you believe it FINALLY rained in Sacramento.  Three glorious days of rain.  It was perfect timing as I was encouraged to take a few days of vacation since I am no longer accruing time at work.  So with time off, rain, and no gym due to doctor’s orders, I was left with idle hands. And you know what they say about idle hands, right?

Yep. I got me into some trouble. That trouble came in the form of a Molcajete.  You've probably experienced a Molcajete filled with Guacamole, but at Lalo's Mexican restaurant, they are served with grilled cactus, homemade chorizo, thinly sliced chicken and flank steak.  All smothered in a green chile sauce.  Oh, did I mention the blog of cheese that is placed in the bottom of the molcajete? It was a wonderful surprise as I dug into this deliciousness.  I nearly fell out of my chair when they brought blue corn tortillas, grilled onions and whole pinto beans.

I was in heaven.... 

See what happens when I'm forced to relax?

Thank goodness I'm back at the gym today... A girl can get into some serious trouble when she's out of her routine... It's back to the gym for me... Feeling really good today.  It's amazing what a little rest can do for the body and soul.

Any of you watching the Olympics? I just can't get into it this year. 

Paula

My cup is more than half full

Gosh... you're probably sick of my whining. It was so helpful to write my "cancer is a bitch"  post.  Let me share why... if you're tired of this song in dance... I understand. 

After writing my post, I headed to boot camp.

There was a lot of burpees, push ups, kaia builders and I had to use my upper body more than usual. During cool down (run around the building and at each corner stop and do 10, 20, 30, 40 jump ropes)... I couldn't do the jump ropes.  I leg lifts and squats. I felt pain in my chest.  I was scared to drive home but I didn't say anything to my daughter. It's not uncommon for me to get muscle spasms in my chest due to the mastectomy.  I thought they'd get better. Long story short, I was in the ER for 6 hours having tests ruling out heart, blood clot, etc.  Everything came out normal.  I have a follow up stress test and then I'll hit the gym again.

My point is... I have muscle spams in my chest. If I have reconstruction surgery, I'll have more muscle and nerve damage and pain. I don't ever want to be in a position where I CANNOT WORK OUT...  Exercise plays a considerable role in my happiness. I'm not willing to take risks with that and so, I've decided to take reconstruction surgery off the table and to IGNORE THE SCALE.  Yep.  I will place value on getting stronger and eating healthier.  In a year, maybe I'll be able to do burpees without pain or maybe, I just do squats. Whatever it is.. I'm going to feel what I feel and then carry on.

I am pretty content with living the life I currently have and that's good enough.  My cup is more than half full. 

cancer is such a bitch

Last night is week 5 of bootcamp and its labeled “hell week”… I know this is to make things fun and push us but it found me sitting in my car just before class. I sat there. I am pretty positive I had tears forming in my eyes. I feel very defeated at tines.  Last night it was the worse by far.

Why did I feel defeated? Because I cannot lose a measly 15 pounds. My doctor will not schedule my reconstruction surgery until I weight 165.  I weigh 179.  In 3 months, I have lost 1 pound and ¾ of an inch around my body. I sat there in my car wondering why am I doing this to self.  My eating is not perfect but it is by no means bad. I eat two pieces a fruit a day. I incorporate veggies in everything I eat. Most lunches consist of a monster salad.  According to myfitnesspall, I consume 1200-1300 calories and burn 400-450 calories 5 days a week. I am working out harder than I have ever worked out in my life. Before C, I used to do Zumba 5 days a week. Run or walk during my lunch hours and at my lowest pre-C was 172.  I cannot get there for NOTHING despite my efforts.  I am doing functional intense training 4-5 days a week.  My energy is still not 100% but it's improving.

I am discouraged. I question what I am doing and feel like giving up.  I know intellectually that giving up isn’t an option. It’s not who I am but sometimes, I feel defeated. I don’t want to lose the weight to feel skinny. I think feeling strong is much more awesome.  I want my surgery. I am tired of inserting those damn prosthesis into my bra each morning. I hate it.  I hate. I hate it.  But then, I turn to being grateful.  Grateful that I am alive.  Grateful that working out leaves me with so much more energy. Grateful that I am living this life… Grateful for the time I have with my daughter. Working out with her, side-by-side.

It took everything I had to get out of the car. I pulled it together. There were moments I pushed myself harder at the end of the class, I looked at my Polar Watch and I’d burned over 600 calories.  I beat my record of calories burnt.  Did I feel jubilant?  Nope… I just went home. Feeling cold and sweaty and thinking… keep pedaling Paula…  keep pedaling.

Sometimes I feel like Cancer has robbed me of that happy-go-lucky person who was so happy that she was waiting for the sky to fall. For something to ruin the happiness she felt and yes, the sky did fall. But it didn’t defeat me. It didn’t break me.  It’s there looming and I fight that fear every day. I live each day as best I can… but sometimes, cancer is just a bitch…. It continues to try and break me… But I’ll just keep pedaling and placing my trust and faith in my Lord….  Maybe I’m not meant to have this surgery. Maybe THIS is one other thing I have to accept.  Maybe.

Satisfying

Hi friends, how's it going?  Can I just come here and say once again how much I love living in Sacramento.  There are so many places to explore. Daniel and I ventured to Muir Woods near San Francisco.  I have never been here and it was absolutely amazing.

I captured these photos with my cell phone. I immediately regretted not bringing my Canon Powershot.

 

We were surrounded by 500 year old redwood trees. It was incredible just listening to the birds.  There were lots of folks walking around the wooden pathways.

The picture above is a downed tree cut in half for a crossing. I sat right here and took this shot. Beautiful, right?

 Daniel and I headed up towards the edge of the redwoods. Daniel is new to hiking but I think I can say he enjoys it. He was ahead of me.  We walked this trail for about 1.5 hours before turning back to the visitor's center.  Daniel was determined to get to the top of the ridge. You definitely need to study the maps at the Visitor's Center because I was not sure where this trail lead too. I insisted we turn back. I was concerned because it was 2:45 and wanted to be back before 6 when the park closes.  I'm a little traumatized after walking out of Mt. Tallac in the dark... Next time, we'll definitely start out earlier so we can make it to the top with plenty of time.

I must confess that my weekend eats were completely off plan.  After our 2.5 hour walk in Muir Woods, I felt entitled to a hamburger.  I found myself at The Habit eating a Charburger and fries. Did I enjoy it? Yes, but it was not epic... I wanted a burger for weeks and well, it wasn't all that I had hoped. Maybe this means my relationship with food is changing?  Maybe...

Honestly. this burger was not rewarding.  I should have ordered it without the bun.  Seriously... It was disappointing.  Sunday found me in the kitchen prepping veggies.  I made a pico de gallo, chopped veggies, cooked chicken fajitas and PRESTO... Today's taco bowl / lunch.  Now this was amazingly satisfying.

--- Satisfying ---

 

That is what I am looking for in a meal.  Sadly it was not in that burger.  I think I'm making progress, what think you?