There are moments when C is with me the most. The reality of it hits me.
Just before I get into the shower and look in the mirror. I see the person staring back at me and it’s then that it hits me what C has done to my physical appearance. I shrug it off because in the grand scheme of things, this means nothing because I’m here.
In the mornings as I dress for work. I decide what top to wear. One that does not have cleavage. Once the top is chosen, I begin the process of unpacking my prosthesis and inserting them into my bra. It has become a ritual i.e., mornings and evenings. The minute I return home, I remove and pack them up and throw on a sweatshirt. How I love sweatshirts and I'm thankful it's not summer. It are these moments that I think most about reconstruction surgery. I am reminded that I’m almost there… Reconstruction is like sliding into home home base.
Then, there are those moments that it is so surreal…this has really happened. I do try not to complain. I remain upbeat and positive. I write this post merely on the chance that someone else is reading and if they experience somethig similar to what I am going through, maybe then, they don’t feel quite alone. I mean "Alone" in the thought process. Clearly, I have family, friends (both real and blog) where I am not alone. However, there are not many people who can relate. I think woman who have experience breast cancer are in this elite club all our own. Life is never quite the same again. C changes you. In a positive way for sure. I am much more grateful for all that is in this mortal world….my children, grandchildren, Daniel and the beauty that is the world.
I cannot wait until I can feel more myself and laugh with total abandonment. Yes, a laughter where C is completely forgotten and it just a bad memory. We all have struggles in life and when they’re over, we look back and sigh and are grateful they are just that… memories..
All this being said… I feel like I am at third base, waiting for the batter to hit and I am almost home. Almost home.
Peace out
Paula
