Where has she been?

Dear Blog,

I've missed you.  I still read lots of blogs, facebook and Instagram but I've strayed from blogging here and sharing my thoughts, food and shenanigams.  I want to change that but I don't know how often I 'll get to come here so for now, I'll just pop in here and there to document my life. 

Life is so short and things change within an instant and paulawannacracker is sort of my  "footprint" that I was here... Does that make sense?  It's also an awesome way to take the pulse of my life. 

Things are going well. I'm very happy. I continue to work out. Not so much to lose weight but because my soul needs it.  I still bike some and food is always in the center of my universe. Let me catch you up on what I've been doing.

 I've been working out at Kaia Fit. It's functional fitness and it's an awesome community of wonderful and supportive women. Today, I did three handstands. Who does that just before their 53rd birthday?  Me, that's who.

I've been embracing all facets of my gym.  We ended a 6 week program with fun obstacle courses.  Here I am going down a slip n slide of baby oil and shaving cream.  Life is teaching me to be more in the moment and it's awesome.

 What is even more awesome, is I get to share this workout with my daughter.  She was smarter than her mother. Instead of going down the slide, she had us drag her. Now why didn't I think of that? See, she's smarter than I.

I also been doing army craws. Ouch... my poor elbows. I'm learning to push myself  harder. You might think you're too old for certain activities but please, do not let that hold you back. I've been working out with some pretty awesome woman who are 50 and older and they're running, biking, swimming and kickin butt. It inspires me and well, I'm not taking anything for granted. Each day presents itself with good and bad... I'm learning to embrace it all.

I've had two high school friends pass suddenly and it's just another reminder to savor everything the day has to offer.

For instance, my husband... yes, my husband. After 14 years together, Daniel and I married. It was just he and I at the courthouse and it was very special.  The following weekend, our families celebrated with music, food and lots of laughter in our backyard. It was a perfect day.  My grands had a blast dancing.

Speaking of grands. I have a new granddaughter.  She just turned 1 years old. I'm truly blessed.

We planted a garden in our backyard and today, I made the best sandwhich in the world.  I am not exaggerating.  Sliced cherry tomatoes, avocado, salt and pepper on top of flaxseed bread. It was everything...

 I've been spending lots of time in the sun... As you can see, my hair is growing... thank goodness my chemo curls are almost gone.  Don't get me wrong, I was grateful for hair but there is only so much you can do with curly hair.

If you've followed my blog in previous years, you may remember my goal has been to lose weight.  Luckily, that goal has changed.  For over 1.5 I've been trying to lose 10 pounds so that I can have breast reconstruction surgery after my double mastectomy. The weight has not come off despite my efforts.  I was sad, but I got over it. My mantra was "it's all about the journey" and I held onto that but now, I  truly believe it.  My victories are that I am alive and enjoying my husband, children, grandchildren and a body that allows me to push it beyond "I can't do it."

I am capable of so much. I just needed to push past that voice that said: "It's embarrassing!"... "what will people think?."  "you'll look ridiculous."

I've grown alot these past 3 years. Cancer will teach you lessons that maybe you didn't want to learn but man... after the storm has passed... Life is truly magnificent.

Relish it... Do something silly. I promise you. You're your biggest critic.

TTFN...
Paula