Where has she been?

Yay, I was able to restore my blog...  I've missed coming here and writing. I've been using a paper journal to share my thoughts, but I think I prefer this method of sharing.

Let's see, where do I begin?  I'm still on a chemo break. #PraiseGod....  I'm going on 9 months of being chemo free. I say "chemo free" because while my Oncologiest has not said "you're in remission", but she has said "there is no cancer in your chest, stomach and pelvis." I'll take it.

My hair has come back curly as ever. #chemocurlsfordays.  It's unmanageable, but I'll take it anytime of the week.

In August, I traveled to Guanajuato, Mexico to visit my husband's family.

My Mother-in-Law is pictured above making Chorizo.  It's such a quite way of life in their little town of Cerro Prieto, Guanajuato  My in-laws run a small grocery store and on Sundays, they sell Carnitas and Chorizo.  Everything is fresh. They have livestock and they do not waste any part of the animal.

My in-laws are also farmers, growing corn.

It is so remote that I kept thinking "perfect place to be during a zombie apocolypse."

After a week in Guanajuato, Mexico, we took a bus to Mexico City.  Lord... I absolutely loved this city.  We visited the pyramids of Tenochtitlan, which is outside of Mexico City.  We had the best driver. He had musical instruments for us to play along with his playlist. He had everything... Eagles, and even the Beatles.  Once there, we climbed the Pyramid of the Moon.  I held on for dear life.  The Pyramid of the Sun which is pictured below, was just too high to even try.

I visited the Basilica where pilgrims go to pray and see the cloack of the Indian Juan Diego. It's a wonderful story and I felt so moved praying in that church.  I could feel the Lord's presence. It was an amazing experience.

And the food in Mexico City?  Wow... I had Chilequilles (fried corn tortillas in a chile verde sauce) just  about every morning.

We visited Frida Kahlo's house in Coyoacan, Mexico.  I feel like I checked so many places off my 'bucket list."  But my favorite was the markets where I ate quesadillas. Amazing!

I feel so fortunate for each and every moment. I'm not going to lie and say that I don't live with fear. It comes and goes, but I just praise the Lord for all his blessings and you know what?  He has comforted me and has given me this amazing peace that is unexplainable.  I thank him for his mercy through out my day.

 Life can get complicated and hard. Lots of everyday life decisions, but when you live with the fear of Cancer, it has a way of letting you realize what is truly important.  It's a valuable lesson for all of us... Staying in the moment, savoring the leaves falling from the trees, the cold air on your face and most of all the comfort of your home... just sitting on the couch, relaxing and the sound of your grandkids running about. I'm grateful... Beyond grateful.

TTFN
Paula

Dear Paula,

After 9 months of chemotherapy every Monday, and two good scans, you finally get a break from chemo! This makes you so happy....I know you're super happy that in the last 3 months, your hair has started to grow while on chemo. I know it's having no  hair, eyebrows and the dreaded "moon face" due to steroids has been rough.... How you get up each morning and go to work and smile through the awkwardness is amazing.  Keep it up Paula.... God has been really good to you and you need to acknowledge that be a testament to his goodness so SMILE...

I know Saturday was rough... You, Daniel and all his brothers and wives got together and went to a valentines dance.... Your brother in law Adan suggested you wear this hat....  You're lucky to have a such nice BILs.... You debated to wear a wig but your husband encouraged you to not wear a wig but to do what you felt comfortable. I know the 25 lb weight gain has been rough.  You tried  and tried to find a nice dress to wear but NOTHING... You even went to Avenue.  You're not quite a 1X but you're not an XL either... I know chemo is manageable and I know how tough these outings are... I'm sorry you cried your eyes out on Saturday... It's okay. There is a time for everything and you were alone and feeling life very unfair and that's okay.... I'm glad you pulled yourself together.  It helps to count your blessings.  All you can do it put a good face on it... Not let it define you.  Whew, good thing you pulled it together because you sister pulls up and says "what's wrong sis.... You look like shit!"   She gets out of the car and asks if you  have allergies...  How do you say NO, I'VE BEEN CRYING.... I know you feel alone and you have no one to talk to about cancer but at the same time, you don't want it to be the only thing you talk about so you play it off and say "yea, my allergies are killer today."  Maybe she secretly knows and doesn't want to make things worse for me.  We chat for a bit and then she leaves....

You're left to figure out what to wear for the evening. You go to your your closet and luckily find something to wear. You call your daughter and ask...  "do people wear jean jacket with a dress?"  She gives  you tips on what to wear and you feel like at least you have a plan....

Your husband is at work and you  have a couple of hours to kill so you lay in your guest room on the bed, with the warm sun beating on your face and you watch the movie SHAG for like the 3rd time.  I feel content....

Paula, you're dong awesome.  Stay strong.  Stay out of fear and like that video you watched on Facebook where that woman says "To live in this world, you must be able to do three things: to love what is mortal; to hold it against your bones knowing your own life depends on it; and, when the time comes to let it go, to let it go"

Hold onto that paula and you'll be okay....