Dear Paula,
After 9 months of chemotherapy every Monday, and two good scans, you finally get a break from chemo! This makes you so happy....I know you're super happy that in the last 3 months, your hair has started to grow while on chemo. I know it's having no hair, eyebrows and the dreaded "moon face" due to steroids has been rough.... How you get up each morning and go to work and smile through the awkwardness is amazing. Keep it up Paula.... God has been really good to you and you need to acknowledge that be a testament to his goodness so SMILE...
I know Saturday was rough... You, Daniel and all his brothers and wives got together and went to a valentines dance.... Your brother in law Adan suggested you wear this hat.... You're lucky to have a such nice BILs.... You debated to wear a wig but your husband encouraged you to not wear a wig but to do what you felt comfortable. I know the 25 lb weight gain has been rough. You tried and tried to find a nice dress to wear but NOTHING... You even went to Avenue. You're not quite a 1X but you're not an XL either... I know chemo is manageable and I know how tough these outings are... I'm sorry you cried your eyes out on Saturday... It's okay. There is a time for everything and you were alone and feeling life very unfair and that's okay.... I'm glad you pulled yourself together. It helps to count your blessings. All you can do it put a good face on it... Not let it define you. Whew, good thing you pulled it together because you sister pulls up and says "what's wrong sis.... You look like shit!" She gets out of the car and asks if you have allergies... How do you say NO, I'VE BEEN CRYING.... I know you feel alone and you have no one to talk to about cancer but at the same time, you don't want it to be the only thing you talk about so you play it off and say "yea, my allergies are killer today." Maybe she secretly knows and doesn't want to make things worse for me. We chat for a bit and then she leaves....
You're left to figure out what to wear for the evening. You go to your your closet and luckily find something to wear. You call your daughter and ask... "do people wear jean jacket with a dress?" She gives you tips on what to wear and you feel like at least you have a plan....
Your husband is at work and you have a couple of hours to kill so you lay in your guest room on the bed, with the warm sun beating on your face and you watch the movie SHAG for like the 3rd time. I feel content....
Paula, you're dong awesome. Stay strong. Stay out of fear and like that video you watched on Facebook where that woman says "To live in this world, you must be able to do three things: to love what is mortal; to hold it against your bones knowing your own life depends on it; and, when the time comes to let it go, to let it go"
Hold onto that paula and you'll be okay....
